Somewhere I belong (Iceland x Reader)
by Jace Gem
Summary: Maybe running from your problems isn't always the best solution. But in this situation, it's the only one you've got. (NO COPYRIGHT INTENDED. ANY ASSHOLE THAT WOULD REPORT A SONG FIC NEEDS A FUCKING LIFE)


**A/N: Okay, this is another request from a friend, and I had to search EVERYWHERE for ideas, and then I just decided "Hey, I have yet to write a song fic. Why not try now that I have requests?" So, here's this piece of shit. Sorry it sucks so bad and is so lengthy, I know it kinda sucks to read a shit ton of paragraphs, but I promise it will be worth it. Song fic written to the song 'Somewhere I belong' by Linkin Park. Written from reader-chan's POV.**

  
_(When this began)  
I had nothing to say  
And I get lost in the nothingness inside of me  
(I was confused)  
And I let it all out to find  
That I'm not the only person with these things in mind_****

I'm not too sure when all of this started. I'm not sure when things went from bad to worse. All I know is that they did, and I wasn't happy about it. I became the object of mother and father's scorn, they began hurting me emotionally, physically, and psychologically. Things had been gradually deteriorating between them, and I knew they were getting worse. I started to lose all feeling, and I became numb. Every day became a chore, even getting out of bed took a tremendous amount of effort, an effort I just didn't feel was worth putting into it every day. Mother and father's fights escalated to physical excursions, and I learned quickly to run away when they got like that so that I wouldn't get caught in the middle, like I usually did. They'd push each other around, call each other horrible names, so different from the parents I was used to seeing growing up. Mother ran away from us, me and my sibling and father, for another man and became a drug addict and an alcoholic.

_(Inside of me)  
But all that they can see the words revealed  
Is the only real thing that I've got left to feel  
(Nothing to lose)  
Just stuck, hollow and alone  
And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own_

Mother left father, and I was to be blamed. She took my little sibling with her, leaving me alone with father. He punished me, thinking it was all my fault somehow. At first, I retaliated, saying I was not to blame for his mistakes, or for mother leaving. But as time dragged on, I began to doubt that belief. Perhaps something I'd done truly was the catalyst for this disaster. Was it my depression? Did mother just get tired of having to deal with a depressed daughter? Maybe she didn't want the responsibility of having a mentally imbalanced child. Hell I'm just as confused now as I was when this all began. It'd been a year since the start of this chaos, and I'd gotten progressively worse. I thought I could write out my feelings and I would be alright. But no. I felt hollow, alone, scared. At first, I was pretty confused about the whole idea. I still remember the day father told me she'd left.

_I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real  
I wanna let go of the pain I've felt so long  
(Erase all the pain till it's gone)  
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I'm close to something real  
I wanna find something I've wanted all along  
Somewhere I belong_

-Flashback: 1 year prior-

_I walked through the front door to the house after returning from another day of school. Classes had started just 3 days prior, and I was off to a fairly decent start. My first time taking and AP course, and so far I was enjoying it! The teacher was exceedingly funny, and he interacted with all 14 of us more than any other teacher I'd had in prior years had. We all joked around, horsed off when we could, and helped each other out. I had a feeling I was going to like this class. I was about to head up the stairs to take my backpack and books to my room when I noticed my dad sitting on the couch, head down and arms on his knees. In all honesty, he looked positively miserable. I sat my things in the chair next to the staircase, and sat on the arm of the chair._

_I inquired if anything was troubling father, and he only told me that mother would explain everything when she got to the house. I asked where she was, if she'd simply gone to the store or to the bank, and father's face remained expressionless and blank, as if he hadn't heard me. I considered repeating myself, but decided against it, thinking whatever I was going to be told was not of good origin. I immediately felt my stomach begin to twist and knot up, and I hated the sickening feeling it created in me. I felt like I needed to vomit, but when I tried, nothing but dry heaves escaped my lips. Okay, so it wasn't making me physically ill, but I still felt like I was going to get sick. I didn't know why I felt that way, I just had this strange sense of foreboding around me. Whatever it was, I didn't much care for it._

  
**And I've got nothing to say  
I can't believe I didn't fall right down on my face  
(I was confused)  
Looking everywhere only to find  
That it's not the way I had imagined it all in my mind**__

_I was scared, to be honest. When mother returned that evening and informed me that she'd left my father, I immediately felt ill again. Everything hurt, inside and out. The world outside began to spin and shake, and I found that my legs were becoming gelatinous very quickly. I felt as if the world was turning grey and black, and I began to become dizzy. I felt terrible, and I just wanted a way out. I was terribly confused. I thought I could just go to sleep and forget everything, and when I woke up everything would be back to normal. No. It would never be normal again. Nothing would ever be the same as it was before, and I was terrified._

_-_Back to the Present-__

For months after that, the family was never the same. I fell into self-harm once again, after having been clean for an entire year. Father became physically and emotionally abusive, saying it was my fault for her leaving. School was a disaster, as my grades plummeted from top marks the previous year to absolute crap. I felt trapped and alone, seeing as nobody appeared to care about my physical or mental well-being. Well... Almost nobody. My old friend Lukas' little brother Emil was one of the only people who were there for me for all this. He noticed the small things. He paid attention to the little details. It was around Christmas break when he said something to me about it.

_(So what am I)  
What do I have but negativity  
'Cause I can't justify the way, everyone is looking at me  
(Nothing to lose)  
Nothing to gain, hollow and alone  
And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own_

-Flashback: December, previous year-

"Hey (y/n)" I heard the calm and stoic voice of Emil behind me. I whipped around to see him standing there, his deep violet orbs immediately locked onto my (e/c) ones. "Oh, Hey Emil." I said, a false smile once again plastered to my facial features. "Can you come outside for a moment?" He asked. "Uh.. Sure." I said, unsure of what was to come. I stepped out to the courtyard with him, zipping my fleece jacket and shaking the snow off my boots as we found a small concrete bench to sit on. "What did you need?" I asked him, playing dumb as if I didn't already know the answer to that. "What happened to you?" He inquired. My eyes held a small gleam of shock for a brief moment before I shook the feeling and smiled a little wider for him. "What do you mean, Emil? Nothing is wrong!" I lied.

His violet orbs darted around my face, mostly lingering around my eyes, trying to detect any hint of a falsified truth. Soon, his eyes ceased their incessant search, and his eyes held a look of disappointment. "You know you shouldn't lie, (y/n). It's not nice." Dammit. "Lying? Me? What the hell are you talking about, Emil? I'm not lying." I quickly responded. His eyes narrowed slightly, and I thought I'd seen a glint of anger for a second. "Yes, you are. Now tell me what's going on." Hmm. I guess he'd learned from his older brother how to decipher lies from the truth. He suddenly stepped forward and placed his hands on my shoulders, his grip like an inescapable vice around my shoulder blades. "I just want to help you, (y/n). I know something is wrong because you haven't been you lately. You've been depressed. What's wrong? Please, let me help." His eyes now held a glossy look to them, and I knew he wanted to cry. But, for my sake, he didn't. I breathed a heavy sigh, and spilled my guts. I told him everything, from the time my parents began fighting, arguing, and bickering over menial things, to now. By the time my monologue was complete, he'd casehardened his expression, returning it to the stoic and emotionless face I was familiar with.

I expected him to simply release my shoulders and walk away, like the rest of them. His next move both surprised and enlivened me. He wrapped his arms around my frame, pulling me close to his chest, and running his hands through my (h/l) (h/c) hair. "I see the scars on your wrists every day. Even when you think you're hiding them well, I know they're there. I saw you pull your sleeve down when school first started. I never said anything because I thought you didn't need the embarrassment. But (y/n) I want you to stop. You're too beautiful for that. I know what your parents did to you and to each other was painful for you, but nothing and nobody is worth all that. You should NEVER hurt yourself because of mistakes others have made. If it's truly that bad for you there, come live with me and my brothers. They know you, they won't judge you or hurt you. Please, just stop this... It hurts me to see you like this." He pulled away long enough for me to see the tears streaming down his pale face, and I was instantly disheartened by this. He then leaned closer to my face, and our lips connected, and he placed one cold hand on my cheek, rubbing it with his thumb.

_I will never know myself until I do this on my own  
And I will never feel anything else, until my wounds are healed  
I will never be anything till I break away from me  
I will break away, I'll find myself today_

He again pulled away a few moments later, and leaned his forehead onto mine. "I love you, (y/n). I love you so much. Please stop." He pleaded. I merely nodded, and replied with "I love you too, Emil." We went through the rest of the school day as if nothing had happened, and as soon as the final bell rang to dismiss us for Christmas break, Emil walked me home to pack a bag, and I would live with him and his brothers. Finally, an escape. He'd offered me a ladder out of this dark, painful existence, and thank God I had enough sense to take it. Before climbing back out of my window on the second story of the house, I placed a note on my bed for Father to find when he returned from work. I then clambered out the window and onto the freshly fallen snow, rejoining Emil, and we began down the road to his house, towards my new life. Finally, I was free. Now, I can be happy.

_** I'm sorry.**_

_**-(y/n)  
**_


End file.
